Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I looked at my own cervix.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
