arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
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