i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Randomize
