I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
