would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Randomize
