I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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