I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
