You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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