That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize
