Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
