Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
