Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
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