I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
