Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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