i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Randomize
