Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Randomize
