I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
