why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Randomize
