A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
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