Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
