His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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