I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
i need some magic done to my vagina
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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