Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
