So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
