I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
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