I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
