For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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