How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Randomize
