This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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