i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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