I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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