Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
