my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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