3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
