your thong is hanging out like whoa
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
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