I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
