i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
