Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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