just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
