My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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