Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Randomize
