Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
