it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
