Moan for me like Helen Keller
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
