can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Randomize
