i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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