He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
