Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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