Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
