He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
