He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
