he told me I talked like a deaf person
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
