hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
